Of Clouds, Coffee and Chaos

3:00 AM – The Alarm that Dreams are Made Of

The hornbill alarm yanks you out of a beautiful dream where you were lounging on a sunny beach in Zanzibar, only to be replaced by the cold, harsh reality of your pre-dawn wake-up call. You squint at your phone like it owes you an apology. The snooze button tempts you like a narcissistic toxic ex, and you immediately open your eyes because you know it’s bad for you, but you consider it anyway.

But no. You’re a professional. You rise like a hero in a low-budget action movie: sleepy, slightly disoriented, hungry and angry, but determined regardless.

3:45 AM – The Art of Perfecting the Uniform

You stand before the mirror, transforming from “just-woke-up sloth” to a “Uniformed Superhero.” Your uniform is pressed to perfection, hair so neatly styled it could probably pass a turbulence test, and your makeup is applied with the precision of a makeup guru. You grab your essentials: passport, your license, setting powder, lipstick, hand lotion (because aircrafts have a drier than the desert air), a Greek yogurt you tell yourself you’ll have but never do, and a full gallon of perseverance.

4:15 AM – The Pick-up: Racing Against Time and Traffic

Your commute is a pressing affair. You dash to catch the crew shuttle like it’s the last rescue flight out of a zombie infected war zone. Traffic is a game of “did I forget anything behind? And how many red and amber lights can one town have?” For some reason, you notice them all today, and you begin a mental debate on whether teleportation should be a thing by now.

Technology where?

4:30 AM – Pre-Flight Briefing: Did I just show up for work?

You meet your crew colleagues, a mix of fresh-faced amateurs who still believe in polite passengers and veterans who’ve seen enough mid-air drama to write a movie. The captain goes over the route, emergency procedures, and a light turbulence warning right after takeoff. “Light turbulence my… Okay, we are being polite today.” Technically, light turbulence is a pilot code for “you’ll be doing a dance down the aisle, but don’t serve hot beverages even if they yell at you.”

Yea right. We will be the one at the forefront of Ken-Karen’s episodic tantrum. You share a look with the other crew, a silent agreement that whatever happens, at least we have each other.

Actually, we do. Cheers Crew Community!

5:00 AM – Boarding: The Parade of Personalities with no pay

The ground personnel informs you boarding clearance is open, and the runway parade begins. First to enter are the Frequent Flyers, who treat the cabin like their living room, breezing past you with a confident nod, and informing you “I know where my seat is.” Then the family with young children, the elderly, special handling and then the Overpacked walks on, insisting their suitcase is a carry-on size, even though it could double as a tiny house. There’s also the Nervous Flyer who asks, “Do you have medicine for my claustrophobia?”

Soothe Mode, Activated!

5:45 AM – The Overhead Bin Battle

“My seat, my bin!” You hear while you’re still boarding with a nice, “‘welcome on board’ and ‘this way please…’”

Your second test of the day: luggage leprechauns. You’re a magician, fitting suitcases that defy the laws of physics into overhead bins. “Ma’am, if you try to force it, it’s not going to fit” a line that works in both aviation and relationships.

Sigh.

6:00 AM – Takeoff: The Only Rollercoaster Where The Pay Actually Begins

You demonstrate the safety instructions with the enthusiasm of someone trying to sell you an MLM. A worthy performance it is. The engines roar, the plane lifts, and you prepare yourself for 40,000 feet of “Can I have another pillow and blanket?” You’ve been reduced to a waiter: and “Is the Wi-Fi working?” Now you’re an aircraft engineer.

“Can you hold my baby for a little bit?” You’re a nanny.

“I’m scared, please stand next to me?” Therapist, parent, friend… You name it! You’re it!

Believe me, it goes on and on. Update your CV comrades because you’ve done it all.

7:00 AM – Coffee, Tea, or Crisis Management?

You are now a sky-high barista. “Coffee, tea, juice, alcohol, water?” you ask, but what you really mean is, “Would you like your beverage with a side of turbulence?” Someone orders a mocha, and you resist the urge to explain that the galley is not Starbucks. Another asks for an “extra legroom upgrade”, mid-flight. You smile, professionally explaining that physics is not a suggestion.

“Do you serve Macdonalds?” Really?

08:00 AM – Turbulence Tango

The seatbelt sign dings, and the cabin shudders a little. Passengers’ faces range from “I trust the pilots” to “This is how it ends.” You glide down the aisle, reassuring everyone with the confidence of a person who absolutely isn’t sweating. “It’s just a little bumpy,” you say, smiling while casually gripping the overhead bin for your dear life.

09:00 PM – The Mile-High Mediation

A passenger is upset because the chicken is “too chicken-y.” “Is it free range?” They ask. Another is insisting that they specifically requested a window seat, but they’re sitting in the middle seat, battling for who gets the armrest. You channel your inner therapist, diffusing tension with a mix of pretend empathy and the mental agility of a psychopath.

10:00 PM – In-Flight Existential Crisis

You grab a quick snack in the galley, one bite of a granola bar, which is now mostly crumbs in your pocket, and half a cup of lukewarm coffee. For a moment, you lean against the galley door, staring out at the clouds, wondering if the lion really is the king of the jungle. Like really… Crocodiles are scary! And have you met a praying mantis? That thing doesn’t play!

12:30 PM – Landing: Controlled Chaos on the Descent

The captain announces landing, and it’s like someone just fired a starting gun. It’s the 100m speed race, yeeeey!

Everyone suddenly needs the washroom, overhead bins are opening faster than a black-Friday sale, and you’re calmly reminding people to please sit down.

Finally, the aircraft lands with a jolt, and you mentally cheer with your colleagues; another safe arrival, another group of passengers who will definitely not remember to thank you, but the pilots.

FYI: Your pay stops here.

13:00 PM – Disembarkation: The Slowest Sprint

Passengers leave with a variety of goodbyes: a few polite “thank yous,” a couple of nods, and one person who mutters, “I think I left my passport inside the seat pocket” This triggers a game of hide-and-seek for the crew. You watch them go, feeling a mix of relief and pride. At this point, it feels like the end of a school field trip, but you’re the exhausted teacher.

13:30 PM – Post-Flight Briefing

You gather your things, do a final check of the cabin once done with lost and found checks, and head for the crew transport. You catch a glimpse of your reflection, a little tired but still giving that five star smile. You survived another day in the sky. It is at this point that you realise, you are not just a cabin crew but a diplomat, a crisis manager, a server, doctor, a therapist, a comedian, teacher, friend… And sometimes, you’re even a passenger’s hero.

So, Ready to Join the Floating Metal Madness?

They say that in aviation, every day is an adventure, a beautiful, chaotic, caffeine-fueled adventure. Would you have it any other way? Well, maybe for that beach in Zanzibar you were dreaming of this morning.

Till next time…