There you are, cruising at 40,000 feet, three hours into a flight, barely holding onto your last nerve of patience when someone rings the call bell and asks:

“Can you open a window? It’s a bit stuffy.”

And just like that, your soul quietly floats out through the emergency exit you wish you could legally use.

Welcome to the high-flying world of Cabin Crew Q&A: The WTH Edition.

This isn’t just a list of silly passenger questions, it’s a tour through the mind-bending logic black hole that opens every time a tray table is stowed and the Wi-Fi goes down.

“Can You Open a Window? I want to feel the sun.”

Sure. Would you like a side of rapid decompression with that? Perhaps a complimentary flight through the stratosphere?

Windows on the aircraft don’t open. If they did, we’d all be wearing spacesuits and screaming for our dear lives.

Even so, bless their stuffy little hearts for passengers forget that this isn’t an Uber ride. The cabin is pressurized. The only window that opens up onboard is Windows 95 in their laptops, and only in the cockpit.

“Do You Fly the Aircraft Too?”

Yes. I serve chicken and beef with accompaniments, demonstrate safety, comfort crying babies, stop fights in row 18, and-AND, land the aircraft while balancing a scalding pot of coffee on one arm.

Of course I don’t fly the aircraft. However, if something happens to the pilots, I do know where the emergency checklist manual is. Somewhere. I think.

“Can We Land Now? I’ll Miss My Connection.”

Let me just call the captain to park on this cloud so you can catch your flight to Brisbane.

We’re 40,000 feet in up the sky, traveling faster than your last relationship fell apart. We cannot just land. There is no celestial petrol station in the air.

“Are the Pilots Awake? I want to see how the cockpit looks now.”

If they weren’t, this would be a very different kind of announcement my dear.

Trust me, they’re awake. And when one sleeps, which is often allowed on long-hauls and ultra long haul-flights, the other is alert, caffeinated, and possibly judging us from the cockpit for running out of chicken again.

Additionally, you’d like to see how the cockpit looks currently? Great question, except you might want to rephrase the question for ‘on ground’ because ‘threat looking’ or not, I’m already profiling you as one.

“Is This an Electric Aircraft?”

Only if you believe in aviation fairies and plug-in clouds.

The plane is jet-fueled. Not because we hate the planet, but because batteries don’t do well when you need to push 400 tons of metal across oceans at the speed of “sorry we’re delayed.”

“Can I Go Out for a Smoke?”

Absolutely! Here’s your parachute, and here’s the door. Enjoy the wind chill of -70°C and don’t forget to Instagram-live it on the way down.

No. You can’t smoke. Not in the bathroom, not in your seat, not even in your dreams. This isn’t 1970.

“Are the Clouds Wet?”

Nope. They’re just big fluffy cotton candies. Emotionally unavailable fluff, like your ex.

Okay, fine, they’re technically made of water droplets. Condensation chemistry class, remember? But they’re not wet in the way you’re thinking. You’re not going to get rained on mid-flight, unless it’s from a passenger on 28D opening a shaken can of soda. True story.

“Why Are the Clouds Not Moving?”

Because we are moving at 600 mph. Through the sky.

This is what happens when your brain has no frame of reference. The clouds seem stationary, like your dreams after two connecting flights and a customs delay. It’s an illusion; kind of like the idea that anyone sleeps well in economy, unless they are a cabin crew on the jump seat. That seat just has its own kind of magic.

“Are There Parachutes Under the Seats?”

Oh yes! And jetpacks. And a personal escape unicorn.

No. There are no parachutes. Commercial flying isn’t skydiving, it’s physics. We don’t jump out of planes mid-air. We land them. Safely. You’re not, Superman, Wonder Woman nor James Bond, and neither are we.

“Can I Sit in First Class Just for Takeoff?”

Sure. And I’ll try on the captain’s hat while we’re at it.

No. That seat costs more than your rent. You sit where the barcode on your boarding pass says you sit. Unless you want to meet a very firm “no” and possibly offloaded from this flight. Come on now, do you really want to get security on arrival just because you didn’t want to seat on the seat you actually paid for?

Thoughts from Galley FM

Every time we push that cart down the aisle, we brace ourselves, not just for turbulence, but for questions that defy common reason, science, and gravity itself.

However, behind every ridiculous query is a nervous traveler, a cultural gap, or someone genuinely unsure how the sky works.

So we nod, smile, gently explain, and go back to pretending we’re not moments away from losing it over the fact that someone just tried to flush a diaper.

Flying isn’t just a job. It’s theater. It’s crisis management. It’s a comedy show with complimentary beverages.

And we, the cabin crew, are your high-flying, overly caffeinated cast.