Flying brings out the best in engines… and the weirdest in people.

Somewhere between boarding and descent, certain passengers begin to believe that cabin crew are not highly trained safety professionals, but a curious hybrid of Netflix, daycare assistant , therapist, and magician. It’s flattering, really, if not wildly delusional.

Pun intended: Let us begin to unpack a few things passengers think flight attendants / cabin crew are paid for.

Carrying That Bag You Overpacked Like You’re Fleeing the Apocalypse

“Excuse me, can you lift my 26kg roller bag into the overhead bin?”

Sure, Chad. Let me just deadlift your mobile wardrobe while smiling, balancing in turbulence, and politely ignoring the fact that you packed it, zipped it, and wheeled it here yourself like a proud mother sending her suitcase to college.

Cabin crew are trained in CPR, decompression drills, and fire containment, not CrossFit.

Also, PSA: if you can’t lift your own bag, it might be time to pack less or just check it in. Cabin crew are not your personal forklift.

To Entertain You Like We’re In-Flight Netflix

Look, we’re delighted you chose to fly with us, but we’re not a live stage production of Cabin Crew: The Air Show.

No, we don’t do jokes on the interphone. None at all. Neither will we be singing you to sleep. And no asking,

“What do you guys actually do anyway?”

Cabin crew are not there to amuse you. They are there to keep you alive if something goes wrong. That said, if you’re nice, they might still smile while saving your life.

To Carry Your Child Like an Onboard Au Pair

“Can you hold him while I… eat/watch a movie/do absolutely nothing?”

Ma’am. Sir. Friends of aviation. Cabin crew are trained in handling emergency situations, not emergency toddlers.

That’s your child. You made it. You named it. You brought it on board. We’ll help if it’s crying during descent or needs heating milk, but draw a very fine line at cradling it in a nativity play.

If your hands are free and ours are juggling service, medical kits, and safety protocols… you might want to reassess whose job is what.

To Spoon-Feed Your Fussy Child Like We’re Airborne Nannies

Flight attendants love kids. They do. However, when your six-year-old is screaming at the mashed potatoes like they personally insulted him, and you say,

“He only eats if someone else feeds him…” while handing us the spoon?

That’s not customer service, it’s a hostage negotiation.

We’re not trained in culinary persuasion or child psychology mid-flight. We’ll warm your milk, offer alternatives, and coo encouragingly, but if your child won’t eat, then there’s only so much we can do.

To Clean Up After You… During a Medical Emergency

This one really sends the aircraft nose-diving into absurdity.

Imagine: a passenger is unconscious. Oxygen bottles are deployed. Someone’s yelling for help. And right then, another passenger rings the call bell and points at their spilled Diet Coke with that look that says,

“Aren’t you going to clean that?”

Cabin crew are attending a medical emergency, sir. The juice can wait. Your dignity, however, is already lost in cargo.

Cabin crew are not there to play house, especially not while someone three rows back might need life-saving intervention. Respect the hierarchy of in-flight crises pipo.

Cabin Crew Are Not Paid for Your Fantasy Scenarios

They are paid, and trained for:

• Passenger and crew safety
• Emergency response
• Conflict de-escalation
• Aviation security
• First aid, fire fighting, and decompression procedures

They are not paid for:

• Luggage lifting
• Child-sitting
• Food-feeding
• Emotional buffering
• And definitely not for cleaning up after your in-flight picnic while reviving someone in row 28.

Hence, the next time you’re tempted to hand over your baby, your bag, or your boredom, ask yourself:

Would you expect the emergency exit instructor to spoon-feed you snacks or carry your yoga mat? No? Then maybe, just maybe, let crew do what they are actually there for.

With love, logic, and a laminated safety card,

Your friendly cabin crew.

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